Thursday, March 10, 2011

Gynaecologist grumbles (FD, PTMI, R/WP)

I had planned on posting this sooner, but other things got posted instead, and then things happened... Well, you know how it is. Anyway, before I can tell those of you curious about what others get up to what I've actually been up to, I need to get this posted. Partly because I want it out of the way, and partly because the events of this past week need to be posted after this post. Confused yet? Don't worry, you soon wont be!

Back in October when I went to the Gynaecologist I was given some tablets and a possible cause for my continued failure in my attempts to become pregnant. I was also given a promise of a definate appointment in January to review the success - or lack of, whatever the case may be - of the tablets. Well, January came and went with no appointment, so I phoned them to ask for one. They told me they'd send me one, but - knowing their lack of success in keeping to that in the past - I insisted on having one made for me, refusing to have my demands ignored. Eventually the receptionist gave in, and an appointment was made over the phone there and then. The appointment was for last Thursday (exactly a week ago today).

To cut a long story short... And avoid going in to too much detail... The tablet trial seems to have achieved very little, and they're back to blaming my weight again, and insisting that if I lose x amount of weight then I will immediately find myself with no issues.

Now, I completely agree that I need to lose weight. In fact, I'll be the first to admit that - whether I'm planning on trying to get pregnant or not - I need to lose quite a bit of weight. My issue isn't with them telling me I need to lose weight. No. My issue is that: Plenty of people heavier than me get pregnant without any trouble at all, so it isn't fair to completely blame my weight for the lack of success. Also, lastt time they said they may have another possible cause - meaning the thin womb lining - which may explain my lack of success with becoming pregnant thus far, so why all of a sudden is it back to just being my weight that's causing the problems for me? I feel like they're just plucking at straws, but they haven't a clue, and my weight being far more than it should be is just a perfect excuse for them, which everyone accepts without them having to spend money checking for anything else, or paying for treatments. That's what my issue is really. Well, that and the fact that I felt like I was being ganged up on by everyone on the matter. Everyone was acting like I didn't notice - or care about - my weight, and they seemed to be under the impression that I needed a full blown lecture on the matter in order to persuade me that I needed to lose weight. This isn't the case though. I mean, I've been saying on and off on here about my weight... Mentioning how badly I need to get the weight off, trying different things to achieve it, etc. I know I need the weight off... And I want the extra weight off... So why do people seem to think I don't care? I do care... I'd love to be the weight they want me to be rather than the weight I am! But while I was sat there I felt like I was under attack. I felt like I was being accused of something awful. And, most of all, I felt like a worthless, fat lump!

What people don't seem to think about is that the more you hastle someone about how they're too fat and need to lose weight, the more it bothers them, and the more it makes them want to just crawl in to a dark corner with a huge bar of chocolate to eat it while they cry about what a horrible, fat, ugly lump they are. And that's what I felt like doing after that appointment. I didn't do it, but it was what I wanted to do more than anything else in the world at that moment in time, because I felt so depressed about it all.

I'm not saying my weight isn't at least partly responsible for my lack of success at getting pregnant. In fact, I wouldn't be all that surprised to find out that it was the whole cause. My point is that the more people are hastling me on the subject, the more depressed I'm becoming about it all, and the more weight I'm actually ending up putting on.

Anyway, I do intend doing something about my weight... I'd already said recently on here that I really need to do something about it... I just needed to have this rant, and point out to people that I need to do this in my own way, and I need to do it by finding a healthier way of eating and doing more activity, and not by having diets and gym memberships thrown at me from every angle. For one thing, if I don't do it my way, I'll never stick to it, for another thing... I don't do diets, because I don't do well with being told I can't have this or that when I want it. And I don't do gyms, because I can't use the equipment properly, plus I refuse to pay a gym membership just to be a side show for those other gym members who are too damn rude to realise that just because I'm blind doesn't mean that I'm there for their viewing pleasure (and just because I can't see them staring, doesn't mean I don't know that they are, because I'm only blind, not stupid!)

The Gynaecologist said I'll get another appointment in three months and need to have lost at least close to 2 stone (28lbs) before then, or I shouldn't bother turning up, and should reschedule the appointment for a few months later. Apparently this is to give me a goal date to give me insentive to hurry up and lose the weight, but it actually feels more like extra pressure that I could do without, because we're only a week in to the time, and I'm already stressing over whether or not I can lose enough weight by then!


Rita said...

28 pounds in three months!?! That's a awful lot!!

I think just blaming this on your weight is ridiculous. Lots of waaaay heavier and older woman than you get pregnant all the time. That doesn't make much sense to me.

Are you going to a fertility specialist? Sounds like you really need to see a specialist. They don't seem to know what they are talking about. Can't you go to a different doctor for another opinion?

I know what you mean by being picked on for being heavy just makes it worse. I can totally relate!!

I feel so badly for you, Sweetie! Hang in there! *big, big hug* :)

Deanna said...

Awww hun. I feel for you. Their approach is awful. It sounds like they don't know why you are not getting pregnant and are grasping at the only thing they can without going into more expensive tests and such.

It helps me to break such a seeminigly impossible goal down into smaller goals. Maybe with the weather becoming nicer you will be able to get out and walk more. I would take the 28 lbs and break it down into a time frame that is possible and that you can get your mind around. Maybe a goal of 4 to 5 lbs a month will seem more possible. Then by September you might be more prepared physically and mentally to talk to them again. Right now, they've done a real number on you. Shame on them!

Keep us posted. We care.

Toriz said...

Exactly! Plenty of people much heavier than me get pregnant with no problems!

The trouble with the NHS is that you can't pick and choose your doctors, and the gynaecologists are the best I can gain access to, since I would need either a referal from the gynaecologist or my doctor, or several thousand pounds cash available to me in order to get to see a full on fertility specialist. I don't have that kind of money, and the gynaecologist wont refer me until my weight as what they wantit to be.

That's what it sounds like to me... Like my weight is an excuse for them to not do any more tests than necessary.

I do intend doing what I can to get several walks in while we have this reasonably nice weather.

Intense Guy said...



Being a bit heavy myself - I can understand how it can be with people and medical people telling us how we need to be skinnier... but its not easy and its not fast.

I hope you ignore the louts - and just take those nice enjoyable walks with Kero -

I hope you have solved the iron deficiency you had... that scared me - I want you around for a long, long time - you are a dear friend.

And I want you as happy as you can be - and your dreams to come true... if there is a way for me to somehow help - you know I will try.


Toriz said...

I also meant to say that, yes, smaller goals like 4lbs or so a month wouldn't feel so bad. I know it only takes the weight loss down to half, but it feels like so much less pressure, and means that if - for example, I lose 2lbs this week, but lose nothing next week, then it's OK, because I still have another two weeks in the month in which to lose the other 2lbs, where as if I had to lose at least 2lbs per week, then loseing the 2lbs this week and nothing next week would put the pressure on and mean that I need to lose another 6lbs in the two weeks in order to stay on track, and 6 feels like such a big number compared to 2!

More than anything though it was their approach that bothered me... How I was made to feel I was being attacked for being the weight I am, and how they seemed to think I both wanted to be this weight and refused to do anything about it. I wasn't even given the chance to explain about how I had been evaluating my eating habbits of late to try and fix the matter of things I'm eating that I shouldn't be having as much, nor how I've been looking in to ways to motivate myself to get back in the habbit of avoiding making excuses to not go on as many walks with Kero as I had been. They just started jumping in with hurtful comments and jumping to their own conclusions based on what they saw just from looking at me sat on that chair, not what they would have known had they asked me (or shut up long enough for me to tell them).

Toriz said...

Thanks! *Hugs*

My iron level is very much under control right now. When it was checked a couple of months ago it was around 14, which is the high end of the average scale! :)

AliceKay said...

They sure put a lot of undue stress on you, Tori. So sorry to hear that. *hugs*

I think some people in the medical profession need to read a book on bedside manners. A lot of doctors nowadays seem to lack that quality.

Don't let the stress get you down or depressed. You do what you feel is right for you and in the timetable you feel is right for you.

And if you need to rant more, you have your friends right here who will listen. *hugs*

Toriz said...

Thanks AK! :)

I agree big time about the bedside manners - or lack of - in the medical profession these days!

LadyStyx said...

That's the one thing I hated about some of the other doctors I had, the lectures. The more you lecture me the more likely I'm going to do my own damn thing. I really like the one I have now because she knows that I realize I need to get the weight off and that I am trying. However, when the body starts working against you, it becomes much more difficult. The goal of 28 in 3 months is a bit much and I'm surprised that they're encouraging such a quick weight loss. I suspect that so long as the weight's moving in the right direction, they may be happy with the progress... even if it takes a little longer to get to the goal. It is possible that some of the things they have in mind simply cannot be done safely while you're at the weight you're at, if that makes sense.