I've been trying to keep myself busy enough to distract myself from the fact it was the three year anniversary of when I lost Kero two days ago (August 11th).
It's not working.
I've been doing a great job of keeping busy. But I'm having no luck distracting myself from the date.
I miss all the furry babies I've lost over the years. It's harder with Kero though. I've loved all my furkids, but Kero... Kero was special. The bond we shared was so much more than the bonds I've formed with any of my other furry babies. It's always hurt so much more with Kero, and time has done little to heal the wounds of his passing.
It still feels as though I lost him only recently. It feels as though I should be grieving right now along with my Mam, who lost her English Cocker Spaniel on July 3rd 2017.
Although, at least I have the comfort of knowing I had ten years with Kero. Ebonie wasn't even two years old. She would have been two on September 19th. Mam took her to the groomer, expecting to pick her up an hour or so later looking all clean and beautiful. But Ebonie collapsed while at the groomer, and she couldn't be revived. Nobody's entirely certain why, even after a post mortum examination. All we know is she's gone. She was an apparently perfectly healthy dog - she'd had her most recent vet checkup just a few months before, and was declared perfectly healthy - and now she's gone. She's crossed the rainbow bridge to wait with the other furry babies my Mam has lost, and maybe with my own too. Perhaps she's even now chasing after my Mam's previous dog, a Labrador named Willow, or playing with a ball with Kero?
Why though? She was still essentially a puppy. Had she been an old dog, or been sick like Kero was, it would at least make sense. But she wasn't. So... Why?
I'm not posting this for sympathy for myself, but because I wanted to tell you about Ebonie, and I couldn't explain how I feel about her making that journey across the rainbow bridge without mentioning how much my heart still aches for Kero. Well, I could, I suppose. I mean, I managed to when we lost Bilbo, Jasper, Jenks, Jacob, Skye, Star, and Baggins. But when I tried the words didn't feel right. Perhaps it's because Ebonie is a dog, so it's more difficult to seporate the two? All I know for sure is that I can't hear of a furry baby crossing the rainbow bridge without feeling the pain of losing my boy once again, and the question of why this could happen to a dog who wasn't really out of puppyhood properly yet makes it even harder.
I'm trying not to dwell on Ebonie's passing, or the anniversary of Kero's passing, or the passing of the other furry babies we've lost over the years - those mentioned in this post, and those not mentioned here. Like I said, I'm trying to keep busy. But it's hard. Too hard sometimes. And it's not working. I'll keep trying though. I have to. Perhaps, one day, it will get easier. Perhaps, one day, I'll be able to hear of another furry baby crossing the rainbow bridge without feeling the pain of losing Kero again. But now is not that time; today is not that day.
Rest in peace, Ebonie. Kero and Willow will look after you until your Mami's time comes to join you on the other side of the rainbow bridge. Keep my baby boy company while he waits for me.