Friday, October 31, 2008

Halloween jokes & riddles (LBE... AE&D)

Some of these aren't all that funny, but I thought I'd post them anyway. Enjoy!

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Riddles

Q. What is a mummy's favourite type of music?
A. Rap music.

Q. Where do baby ghosts go when their mom goes to work? A. A scare centre!
Q. What is a skeleton's favourite instrument?
A. The trombone.

Q. Where do movie stars go on Halloween?
A. MaliBOO!

Q. Why didn't Dracula have any friends?
A. He was a pain in the neck!

Q. What does a bird say at Halloween?
A. "Twick or tweet."

Q. What does a panda ghost eat?
A. Bam-BOO!

Q. What do you call a skeleton that lies on its grave?
A. Lazy bones!

Q. What did one casket say to the other casket?
A. "Is that you coffin?" (coughing)

Q. Who did Dracula bring to the prom?
A. His ghoul friend.

Q. What is Dracula's favourite fruit?
A. A nectarine.

Q. What did the mummy ghost say to the noisy young ghost who kept interrupting?
A. "Spook when you're spooken to."

Q. What kind of mail does a superstar vampire get?
A. Fang mail.

Q. What is the problem with two twin witches?
A. You never know which witch is which!

Q. Where did the ghosts go for vacation?
A. Mali-BOO.

Q. What pants do ghosts wear?
A. BOO jeans.

Q. What do you call a witch who likes the beach but is scared of the water?
A. A chicken sand witch.

Q. What does a ghost call his mom and dad?
A. His transparents.

Q. What did the skeleton order with his drink?
A. A mop.

Q. Who won the zombie war?
A. Nobody, it was dead even.

Q. Where did the ghost go on vacation?
A. The BOO-hamas!

Q. Why did Dracula go to the library?
A. He wanted a good book to sink his teeth into!

Q. What kind of TV do you find inside a haunted house?
A. A wide scream TV.

Q. What did the witch say when she fell in the moat?
A. "My eels are killing me!"

Q. What do you call candy corn?
A. Pumpkin poop!

Q. What do you get when you cross a vampire with a mummy?
A. A gift wrapped bat!

Q. What school subject is a witch good at?
A. Spelling.

Q. What did the ghosts eat for dinner?
A. Spook-etti!

Q. What did the pumpkin need for its boo boo?
A. A pumpkin patch.

Q. Why is it hard for a ghost to tell a lie?
A. Because you can see right through him.

Q. What do you call a witch at the beach?
A. A sand-witch.

Q. Why couldn't the skeleton cross the road?
A. Because he didn't have the guts.

Q. Why did the skeleton go scuba diving?
A. Because he wanted to get some muscles!

Q. Why did the vampire give up acting?
A. Because he couldn't find a part he could sink his teeth into.

Q. Why was the skeleton scared to cross the road?
A. Because there was a dog on the other side.

Q. What do skeletons say before they start to eat?
A. Bone appetite.

Q. What do ghosts serve for dessert?
A. I scream.

Q. What monster wears the most clothes?
A. A werewolf!

Q. How do you make a witch itch?
A. Take away her W.

Q. What did the ghost teacher say to her class?
A. "Watch the board and I'll go through it again."

Q. Why didn't the skeleton want to go to the dance?
A. Because he had no body to go with.

Q. Why did the skeleton stand in the corner during his prom?
A. Because he had no body to dance with!

Q. What is a witch's favourite food?
A. Goulash.

Q. Why was the little ghost crying?
A. Because he wanted his mummy.

Q. What did the jack-o'-lantern say to the other jack-o'-lantern when they were on their way to a Halloween party?
A. "Let's get glowing."

Q. What do you get when you cross a mummy with a vampire bat?
A. A flying Band-Aid.

Q. Why do witches fly around on broomsticks?
A. Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy!

Q. What do you do when you see a ghost?
A. Run away of course!

Q. Where does a vampire keep his money?
A. In a blood bank.

Q. What do you call a vampire 200 miles from a blood bank?
A. A cab.

Q. Why don't skeletons play music in church?
A. They have no organs.

Q. What kind of dog does a vampire have?
A. A bloodhound.


Q. What do you get when you cross a ghost, a dog and a rooster?
A. A cocka-oodle-boo!

Q. What did one ghost say to the other ghost?
A. "Long time no see."

Q. What did the werewolf eat after he'd had his teeth cleaned?
A. The dentist.

Q. Why do skeletons hate winter?
A. The cold goes right through them.

Q. What do you call a mummy eating in bed?
A. A crummy mummy.

Q. Where do you go when a ghost is chasing you?
A. To the living room!

Q. What is a skeleton's favourite drink?
A. Milk, it's white and good for your bones.

Q. When do vampires like horse racing?
A. When it's neck and neck!

Q. What do you get when you cross a ghost and a goblin?
A. I don't know, but it doesn't sound good to me!

Q. What do you call a fat vampire slayer?
A. Puffy!

Q. Why did the Cyclops close his school?
A. Because he only had one pupil.

Q. Why didn't the ghost go boo?
A. Because it had no guts.

Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
A. Frostbite.

Q. What do you call two witches who share a broom?
A. Broom mates.

Q. What do you call two witches that live together?
A. Broom mates.

Q. What do you call a nervous witch?
A. A twitch.

Q. What do you call ghosts that ring doorbells?
A. Dead ringers.

Q. What does a ghost keep in its stable?
A. Nightmares.

Q. How do ghosts like their eggs?
A. Terror-fried.

Q. How was Frankenstien's birth?
A. Shocking.

Q. Why can't you tell a skeleton a secret?
A. Because it goes in one ear and out the other.

Q. What do you call a dead person in the closet?
A. The 1966 hide-and-go-seek champion.

Q. What kind of streets do zombies live on?
A. Dead-ends.

Q. Why don't mummies take vacations?
A. They're afraid they'll relax and unwind.

Q. What kind of candy won't a ghost touch?
A. Life Savers.

Q. What happens when a ghost haunts a theatre?
A. The actors get stage fright.

Q. What song do vampires hate?
A. "You are my sunshine!"

Q. What did the little ghost say to his mom?
A. "I've got a boo boo."

Q. What is a ghost's favourite ride?
A. A roller-ghoster.

Q. What do witches call for in a hotel room?
A. Broom service.

Q. What do you get if you cross a skeleton with a famous detective?
A. Sherlock Bones!

Q. What do you call an overweight pumpkin?
A. A plumpkin!

Q. How do you make a skeleton laugh?
A. Tickle its funnybone!

Q. What is worse than being a three hundred pound witch?
A. Being her broom.

Q. What do vampires never order at a cafe?
A. A STAKE sandwich!

Q. What did one ghost say to the other?
A. "Do you believe in people?!"

Q. What do vampires sing on New Year's Eve?
A. Auld Fang Syne!

Q. Where do ghosts get their mail?
A. At the ghost office.

Q. What do skeletons say at the front door?
A. "Crick or creak!"

Q. What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
A. Any old girl he can dig up.

Q. Why was the big hairy , two-headed monster top of the class in school?
A. Because two heads are better than one.

Q. Frankenstein and Dracula had a match. Who won?
A. Frankenstein, because Dracula sucks!

Q. What do you get when you cross a moose and a ghost?
A. A cariboo!

Q. Why doesn't a witch wear a flat hat?
A. Because there's no point in it!

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Knock, Knock Jokes


Knock, knock
Who's there?
Wolves say
Wolves say who?
Wolves say Happy HOWL-oween!

______

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Boo!
Boo who?
No, no, don't cry! I was just kidding.

______

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Ivana
Ivana who?
Ivana suck your blood.

______

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Frank
Frank who?
Frankenstein!

***~***

Jokes


Monster: It is a very hot day today!
Witch: So, can I make you a lemonade?
Monster: Yes!
Witch: Poof! You're lemonade!

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Patty came up to a boy with a sheet over his head on Halloween and asked, "Are you a ghost?"
The boy replied, "No, of course not! I'm an unmade bed!"

______

A skeleton walks in to a bar. He goes to the bartender and says, "I'm going to need a beer and a mop."


___

A guy named Billie Bob Joe goes to a costume dress party nakid with a nakid girl on his back.
Harold, answering the door: What are you supposed to be?
Billie Bob Joe: A turtle.
Harold: What do you mean?
Billie Bob Joe: The girl on my back is Michelle.

4 comments:

Punkn said...

*Groans*
*Makes a note not to let my grandkids see these jokes or I will have to hear them over, and over, and over, and over.........
lol Tori, thanks for a laugh

LadyStyx said...

*shakes head groaning with punkn*

Intense Guy said...

I have them all funny.

:)

Tori_z said...

Sorry, I just "had to" post these... LOL!