Sunday, November 13, 2011

Thoughtfully advancing another year in life (LBE... R/WP)

Yes, I know this is my second post today; I published the other one earlier since I wasn't sure if I'd have time to do a post today. But I have time, and I wanted to write this post, so - in case you didn't notice - here I am!

I think there's something about your birthday being on the horizon that makes you think; about the past, about the present, and about the future. I've noticed it a lot with people. This is the first year my birthday approaching has really made me think though. Perhaps because I'm now entering my late 20s? Or, perhaps because of the type of ritual I did for Samhain? Perhaps a bit of both?

In my samhain ritual I - as planned - meditated on those who have passed; letting them know they were remembered, and sending out a hope that they were at peace wherever they were. But I ended up doing a bit more than that.

You see, I'm one of those who tends to prefer to work from a basic plan for a ritual, but follow my instincts as to what happens. The result being that I found myself asking for guidance from any who could offer it about a particular thing that was troubling me. It wasn't a big thing, and I'd had no intention of asking anyone for guidance, but I found myself doing so as I reached out to those who had passed on, and went withh it since it felt right. And I "knew" I was heard. I can't explain how... It was just a feeling. Then I sat up to supervise the candle as it burned, since it seemed right to me to let it burn itself out.

A couple of days ago I was thhinking about the ritual, and I was wondering what kind of sign - if any - I'd get. I knew I'd know it when I "saw" it, but I couldn't help being curious. And I went to bed that night thinking about the ritual and the thing I'd been asking for guidance withh during the ritual.

I woke a few hours later feeling as though "something" was near me. A nice something, but something. I was going to dismiss it as Kero, but I could hear him at his water bowl lapping up water; his tags on his collar making the slight chinking noise they do against the bowl. So, it wasn't Kero.

The "something" seemed to move closer; if it hadn't been such a nice feeling presence, I'd have been afraid. Then I swear I felt the silkyness of Chance's fur, and an image of him flashed in to my mind (which, by the way, isn't something I can force any more; getting a vivid image of something has to happen as it wants, and any attempts to force it leave me with only a headache). That's when I knew... Chance was there. I know they say Samhain night is the easiest time for spirits to cross over, but I guess he felt that night was a better time?

My issue was that I was confused. You see, my recent adventures in attempting to join Kelly for ritual had confused me about some things. We are both of the same path, but our way of practising is so different. It's rare for me to bother with such trivial things as names of Gods. To me it's the spirits and energy in all things around that matter. Kelly, on the other hand, needs a name to call upon. I like my ritual plans to be basic and have room to adapt as I feel is right while I'm doing them. Kelly prefers a structure, and rarely deviates from the "script" if he can help it (his apple juice substitution was a rare occurance; he usually prefers to have the exact things on the list). I never noticed them before, but it was as plain as can be when we tried to do rituals together, and one of the reasons we only did those two then decided to go back to doing our rituals as solitaries again.

So I asked for guidance; was I lost?

Anyway, as I lay there a few nights ago - not daring to move in case Chance took it as a sign to leave - the phrase "nature witch" came in to my mind. "Is that a real thing?" I wondered. "Does it matter?" came the reply. "I suppose not," I thought.

Only it bothered me, so - long after Chance's presence had left me - I was still laying there with the phrase repeating itself, "nature witch, nature witch." And I couldn't take it any longer; I had to know what would happen if I searched for "nature witch" on Google. So, I got up, turned on my laptop, and - when it finally was loaded and ready to go - typed "nature witch" in to the box up the top there.

And what, you may be wondering, came up? Well, I'll tell you...

A whole lot of things about Wicca and witches; all of which said more or less the same thing about how every wiccan/witch you meet will give you a different definition of what it is to be a wiccan/witch. How Wiccans/witches all practice differently, especially those who prefer to do their rituals as solitary activities. And about how some wiccans/witches lean more towards the Gods and Goddesses of old myths, where as others refer only to the energies in all living things and the power of the elements.

Basically, it told me what I already knew, but had forgotten in my confusion about how - having shared sources and walked our path side by side for so long - we had such different ways of practising our rituals. In short, it reminded me of how differently even the same information can be viewed, even by like-minded people.

I don't know why it felt important to share this, but it did, so I did.

Perhaps it's because of how all the thinking I was doing as my birthday approached was intertwined with my thoughts on this? Because I want to share a little about my thoughts...

In just three years time I'll be 30. I've been to Canada and Cyprus, I've owned several pets and lived in several houses, and I've been happily married now for 9 days short of eight and a half years. But I don't feel I've achieved much in my lifetime.

Yes, I know there's plenty of life in me yet, but I thought maybe I'd have done something by now. I mean, I'd hoped by now to have at least one child. I'd hoped that by my 27th birthday I'd have a littleone running in to me in the morning; perhaps with a card she or he had made for me - saying, "happy birthday Mummy," while attempting to thrust a poorly wrapped present in to my barely responding (since I'd still be half asleep) hands. But I don't... And, yes, it bugs me that I don't even have that to show for the fact I was here. I want to do something, but what?

Well, all this thinking got me thinking about the "30 before 30" list that Stephanie wrote (an idea which she got from someone else). So, I decided to write a list of my own of goals I would like to achieve by the time I reach 30. My list is shorter, but it's mine, and it works for me. Anyway, here it is; in no particular order:

1. Have a baby; everyone knows that's been on my list for a while.

2. Write a book and submit it for publication.

3. Visit Stonehenge; preferably on the Summer Solstice.

4. Join some sort of a group that I can go to regularly to mix with people; something like a drama group (since I always loved drama and would like to get back in to it) or a writing group like the one I used to be in.

5. Meet some of my online friends; I wont put a number on it, but it would be nice to at least meet one or two of the people I speak to online so often. This could be tricky due to most of them living the other side of the world to me, but I'd still like to try and achieve it.

6. Participate in some kind of big event for charity; a walk for charity, or one of those all day events for charity, or something.

7. Get myself to a point where I can take myself to town whenever I want.

I made the list its very own page, which you can see by clicking here, or clicking the link to it up with my other pages.

I'm already trying desperately to make the first one come to pass; I've even jumped off my broom with Serenity and the others in order to try and give my body the wake-up call it needs to get in shape and try and make it happen. Maybe the fact my biological clock is ticking ever closer to the time when things will become tougher - and my chances slimmer - will be enough to keep me off my broom and on my feet?

And, I still don't know why I felt the need to write this post, but I did, so I wrote it, and here it is; I hope you didn't find it too boring and rambly.

Although, the fact that reflecting on why you got off your broom was part of the challenge Serenity set last week might have been part of why I felt the need to write this post. After all, what better reason could there be than getting your body in shape to be able to try and create the greatest miracle there is... Life!

15 comments:

AliceKay said...

I'm glad you wrote this post and shared it with us. I didn't find it boring at all. :)

My daughter didn't give birth to her son until she was 30 years old. You have a lot of time left in that biological clock of yours, so keep those positive thoughts going and things just may work out the way you'd like them to. :) I'll think positive thoughts for you, too.

*hugs*

Celticspirit said...

Hi Tori! That was so cool that you got to be in the presence of Chance again. I have felt and seen many spirits...both kinds...the ones who come to visit and the ones who never left. I often feel someone touching the back of my neck and I know it's my Grandpa.

You are still plenty young enough to have kids. I had my son at 36. Just from reading about the things you have written about babies...like Emma....I know you'd be a great Mother. Just keep on trying. The getting healthy first is a good idea too.

I enjoy reading about your rituals and I do think it's a private thing. I have never really done any...I'm more into meditating. Russell made me a pentagram out of wood a few years ago and we tried to have a seance but we just ended up laughing about it.

Magaly Guerrero said...

I love your goals and I hope you accomplish each of them. My goals have changed over the years; I wonder if yours will too.

The experience with Chance was very powerful... "Nature Witch," huh? That sounds very earthy; I like it.

That corgi :) said...

I like how you took the time to think about some goals you want to accomplish over the next few years. It helps give you something to focus upon and plan for! These days, it seems biological clocks can even go into the early 40s, so who knows what adventures lie ahead in the years to come!

betty

Diandra said...

At least you know what you want to do with life. ^^

Serenity Athenina said...

The blog url has changed to a .NET! Please change my links to http://www.thedomesticpagan.net/

Rita said...

I've never made a list or even thought much about what I would like to accomplish. I didn't think about it much till I read your post. I spent so much of my life in survival mode...no time for goals. I guess if I had any goals over my lifetime it was always more about who I am...being a better person, doing the right thing...that kind of thing, you know?

I like that you and Kelly do know what you prefer. Even if you are walking parallel paths, they are in the same direction. Men and women are quite different anyways, right? LOL!

I love that you felt Chance with you. And I don't know what it is but nature witch would seem to fit you. You love nature and are more intuitive. :)

You have done a lot with your life! Because of who you are!! I like your list, though. You make me think that maybe I should work on a bucket list...since I am already 60--LOL! I am drawing a complete blank, though.

I hope you find a writer's group! You could write a children's book, for sure! Or a series! :):)

Toriz said...

AK:
Thanks; and, I'm glad you didn't find the post boring. :)

Barb:
I've often felt the presence of those who never left, and managed a couple of times to communicate a little with one once. This - to my knowledge - was my first time getting a visit though. I've had dreams which seem to carry messages, but nothing like this before.

Thanks; I hope I can prove you right one day about making a good Mother! :)

I meditate more than anythhing, but I do rituals regularly too. I didn't for a while, but started back doing it more frequently earlier this year. Anyway, that was one of the things that happened with us; we ended up just laughing (I think more to ease the fact neither of us felt totally comfortable than anything though). Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed, but it felt more like having fun together than doing a ritual, you know?

Mags:
Oh, they probably will. LOL! I think the only one that will stand firm is that first one; it's something I've wanted for as long as I can remember, and it's only complications in that department that have delayed it.

I like it too; it feels right. :)

Betty:
I'm hoping plenty of adventures; baby related and otherwise! :)

Diandra:
Yeah... Finally, LOL!

Serenity:
Done... Thanks for letting me know! :)

Rita:
I never thought about it until I read Stephanie's post to be honest. I mean, I thought about how I felt I hadn't achieved much, but that's about it. I know what you mean about "survival mode" though!

That's true; and, I think that's basically what Chance was trying to tell me. :)

*Nods* It was a very special experience, and I love the title "Nature Witch"... Feels right! :)

I think it's more that I don't feel I have because I haven't achieved the only thing I desperately cared about achieving; see the first item on my list. ;)

If you're meant to do a list, you'll be inspired. If not... *Shrugs*... Well, then it's not a particularly big deal, is it? :)

I've found a couple of potential drama groups, so I'm thinking - once the holidays are over, since holiday schedules are hectic - I'll look in to them and see what I can do about maybe joining one.

Intense Guy said...

Given your determination - I can see how you could not do all those things on your list.

I'd like to see you at Stonehenge. I'd sort a zaliion photos to see those of you exploring the rocks there.

You will be walking all over Saint Leonards pretty soon - it takes a while for folks to learn a new place - so patience... :)

I hope and pray every day that you will have a wee one - I know for sure you would be a wonderful mom...

*Hugs*

Deanna said...

What a thoughtful post. So interesting.

I do think your other goals will help lead you to your ultimate goal of a little one. I'd love to see Stonehenge and it would be cool to meet you and many of my other online friends. Never say never!

Just remember, you really are still very young! I remember freaking out when I was turning 30. I've never really figured out why except maybe I felt like I finally had to grow up. Now I'm staring 60 in the face. Time really does fly.

Toriz said...

Iggy:
Thanks! :)

These days they don't allow people to explore the rocks properly. But just being close enough to be able to say I went would be enough.

Yes, I know, but sometimes it's hard to be patient.

I hope I get the chance to prove you right about being a wonderful Mom...

*Hugs you back*

Deanna:
Glad you found the post interesting.

I'd like to meet you too... Maybe one day. :)

Furry Bottoms said...

I find this stuff fascinating. In my family, however, it is frowned upon, but it doesn't deter me from intense curosity about this kind of stuff!

now, I am trying to figure out when your birthday was exactly. Was it on the 13th or 14th? You mention here your birthday approaching... but not when.

I have to be honest and say I was shocked to discover you were not even 30 yrs old yet. I had thought you to be nearer to my age, you sound so much older and wiser!

Toriz said...

Nikki:
Nothing to stop you being cuurious. As a point, a lot of people weren't happy about it with me at first... They've kind of learned to deal with it though. With those people I have a "we'll just agree to disagree" policy, and I try to avoid discussing Pagan topics.

My birthday was on the 13th.

Thanks; I've been told before that I'm a lot more mature in my thinking than most people my age. Perhaps that's why I ended up marrying someone so many years older than myself? (Kelly turned 40 back in May).

newmoonsummer said...

I really enjoyed this post. I like what you're saying -- and how you're echoing what others have said -- about interacting with the energy inherent in things/the universe instead of naming particular gods/goddesses with which to work. I'm sort of new to all this, and it's reassuring to know there are people who don't believe you have to have a set historical/mythological deity you have to commune with in order to "truly practice" or something.

Also, happy birthday, and best of luck completing your list.

Toriz said...

Newmoonsummer:
Thanks for visiting! :)

Also, thanks for the birthday wishes.

I'm glad you enjoyed the post.