Saturday, December 13, 2008

Christmas Jokes (FD but AE&D)

Q. What's the most common wine at Christmas?
A. "Do I have to eat my brussel sprouts?"

Q. What do you get if you cross an apple with a Christmas tree?
A. A Pineapple

Q. How many chimneys does Father Christmas go down?
A. Stacks

Q. What's an Ig?
A. An eskimo's home without a loo

Father Christmas went to see a Christmas pantomime. During the interval he got up and went to fetch some refreshments. However, he was then unsure of which row he had been sitting in. He did, however, clearly remember stepping on the foot of a lady on the end of his row.
After a few moments of scanning the crowd he thought he recognised the lady in question. So he went up to her and asked...
Father Christmas: Excuse me, did I step on your toes on my way to get an ice-cream?
Lady: You certainly did!
Father Christmas: Good... That means I'm in the right row!

Q. What reindeer can jump higher than a house?
A. They all can... Houses can't jump!

Q. Where do you find reindeer?
A. It depends on where you leave them

Q. Why does Scrooge like reindeer so much?
A. Because every buck is dear to him

"Dear Father Christmas,
Could you please send me a yellow door for Christmas?
Sincerely, Sherlock Holmes"
Watson: Why do you want a yellow door, Holmes?
Holmes: Lemon-entry my dear Watson!

Q. What do the elves sing to Father Christmas?
A. Freeze A Jolly Good Fellow!

Q. An honest politician, Santa Claus and a kind lawyer were walking down the street and saw a £20 note, which one picked it up?
A. Santa Claus... The other two don't exist!

Q. Who's never hungry at Christmas?
A. The turkey... He's always stuffed

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Mary
Mary who?
Mary Christmas

11 comments:

My Side of the Story! said...

Those were great! The cornier the better, I say!

Lemon-entry my dear Watson, Lemon-entry! LMAO!

P S: The cartoon on my Saturday morning Flashback is a great old Tom and Jerry but it's not as narritive this time for the "vision impaired". It's the one where Jerry mouse's Uncle Pecos comes for a visit. But you should enjoy the music. It cracks me up everytime I hear it.

I'll fill you in on the "final joke". It is when Uncle Pecos is on TV and breaks a guitar string and when Tom starts laughing at the TV screen, the uncle actually reaches "though" the TV and pulls out the last whisker Tom has left.

Classic stuff, I hope you still enjoy it!

hugs,

Matt

Tori_z said...

Matt:
Glad you enjoyed the jokes. :)

Thanks for the info on the cartoon. Will go check it out in a sec. :)

Intense Guy said...

LMAO - I'm with "My Side", the cornier the better and some of these were still on the cob!

:)

The Wife O Riley said...

Those are great!! I'm sure Emerson will be telling them now for the next few months.

MarmiteToasty said...

For your information I LOVE brussel sprouts with a passion :)

x

LadyStyx said...

*scrapes her brussel sprouts off her plate and sneaks them onto Marmie's*

Some of those...I hadnt heard before. Kudos!

MarmiteToasty said...

Gathering everyone elses brussel sprouts onto my plate and if I have to many I will make 'Bubble and Squeak' with them :)

but jebus, dont they make ya fart LOL

X

KAYLEE said...

Those are good and I sent you emails!!

Tori_z said...

Glad you all enjoyed the jokes. :)

Oi, Toasty, get your paws off my sprouts! They're one of my favourite vegetables (them and green beans). You can have everyone elses if you want, but I'm keeping mine!

Celticspirit said...

I love brussell sprouts as well! It's my favorite vegetable. :)

MarmiteToasty said...

just finished top and tailing a pot full of sprouts ready to steam to go with our Sunday Roast a little later :)

HOW CAN ONE NOT LOVE SPROUTS if cooked so they still have a bit of a bite to them..... Mmmmmmmmm

x