I had these jokes sent to me by a friend via e-mail, and thought I'd post them here.
Little Johnny Strikes Again
The teacher asked the class to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said, "We all went to my Grandad's farm and saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."
The teacher said, "That was good. But I wanted you to use the word fascinate, not fascinating."
Sally raised her hand and said, "My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated."
The teacher said, "Well, that was good Sally. But I wanted you to use the word fascinate."
Little Johnny raised his hand.
The teacher hesitated, because she had been burned by little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word "fascinate" so she called on him.
Johnny said, "My Aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight."
The teacher sat down and cried.
The Chicken At The Movies
A man approached the window of a movie theatre with a chicken on his shoulder, and asked for two tickets.
"Who's the other ticket for?" the ticket girl asked.
"For my pet chicken," he said, pointing to the bird.
"I'm sorry," the girl tells him, "but we don't allow animals in the theatre."
The man walked around the corner of the building and stuffed the chicken in to his pants.
He returned to the ticket window, brought a ticket, entered the theatre, and sat down.
The chicken started to get hot, so the man - figuring it was OK because it was dark - unzipped his pants to let the chicken stick its head out.
The woman sitting next to him looked down in horror.
She nudged her friend Amanda, and whispered, "Amanda, this man beside me just unzipped his pants."
Amanda replied, "Oh, don't worry. Just ignore him. If you've seen one, you've seen them all."
The woman whispered back, "I know, I know. But this one's eating my popcorn."