Saturday, August 23, 2008

"Smile and the world smiles with you; Cry and you cry alone!"

I've heard that quote many, many times over the years. At one point I actually had it atatched to my e-mail signature for every e-mail account I owned (which was a lot at the time... Something like 8, I think). But it's only over the past year or so that I really learned what it meant. And all because of events that started about 18 months ago.

I've tried several times to write this post. But it's a difficult one to write. I wanted to tell you all how I suffered in silence - not even wanting to admit the truth to myself - for about 7 months before I was forced to admit the truth. And how it was a couple more months after that that I was finally forced to admit to the rest of the world that the day the doctors had told me would come "one day" was finally here.

I wanted to explain the pain (physical and emotional) that I have felt. The fear, the frustration, the anger and the lonelyness that caused tears to flow so often. And I wanted to tell those that have been there for me through all of it how greatful I am. But I couldn't find the right words.

That quote I've used as the title for this post was the key to me finding the words. But only now that I understand the true meaning of it can those words flow freely. Only now when I've learned what it means by "cry and you cry alone" can I truly understand it and move on to the next chapter of my life.